Mar 22, 2010 2
Survived
It had been a gruesome period of work. Extensive working hours, immense pressure, pressing deadlines, internal conflicts and more. Many times I felt like I need to give up and throw in the towel, that I have cracked under the pressure and have sunk into depression but I’m glad I pulled through.
Being depressed is a lonely thing. When you’re down, instead of a helping hand, a comforting hug or a shoulder to lean on, more often than not, you hear the scattering patter of feet as they try to avoid you like you bring the plague. I don’t blame anyone, man are selfish creatures. Besides, I do not want to burden others with my petty problems, even if they do mutate to gargantuan proportions and implode.
In the end, I did eventually breakdown and cried a bucketful of tears. A close friend of mine said, “What does not kill you now, will make you stronger.” Now, at that point of time, that phrase’s message of optimism struck me as fake and hypocritical. Shouldn’t it be more appropriately put as, “What does not kill you now, will do so some time or another.”
I contemplated the pros and cons of working myself till I’ve worn my spirit and morale threadbare, in return for some sense of job satisfaction. In the end, it just doesn’t balance out. In the end, its still a thankless job. The bottom line is that somewhere along the way, my soul would have starved and some part of me would have died.
There should be a way out. I just have not found it yet.
